FWIW # 1 It's Not My Fault February 2020

This is the first issue of For What it’s Worth. The newsletter will address subjects of current interest to people, relaying a position on the subject which is sure to find supporters and detractors. The perspective will not be half-hearted or full of platitudes. There’s too much of that today, at a time when “disruptive” actions are changing long-held cultural beliefs without any serious discussion of the consequences. If you wish to continue to receive For What It’s Worth, please go to www.uniquereads.com and sign up at the bottom of the page., Otherwise, we won’t bother you with unwanted emails.

“IT’S NOT MY FAULT”

When it spread is a mystery. It has always been around, nurtured for generations, but is just now reaching the tipping point that leads to disrupting and eroding long-standing cultural norms. Is it part of human DNA, or is it a learned trait? From an early age, children are quick to say it when caught doing something wrong or making a mistake, even when evidence of their guilt is in their hands or their failure is clear.

Let’s assume for a minute that DNA takes the kernel of the blame for this knee-jerk reaction to being confronted. Under the guidance of their families and with the aid of the school system, children should be taught to accept personal responsibility. An example of a lesson that would facilitate this is the story of George Washington and the cherry tree, which teaches both honesty and personal responsibility. While adults emphasize the aspect of telling the truth; the more important lesson from the George Washington story is taking responsibility for personal actions no matter what the consequences.

No matter what the consequences. This ramification seems to be the stumbling block in all segments of society today. Children in school now blame teachers for failing to teach them rather than taking responsibility for their own failure to study. The most common refrain is “It’s not my fault; they (the teachers) don’t like me.” They don’t attribute the poor performance to their studying habits or their failure to give attention to the subject matter. Sports-oriented young people blame their coach for team failure, not giving any thought to the individual team member’s willingness to practice at the level needed to be successful. As adults, bosses don’t treat employees fairly is the mantra. Either they don’t recognize an individual’s obvious brilliance, or they have favorite protégés. Just as prevalent is the opinion that the boss is dumber than the employees and the removal of the boss will result in workers’ success.

The constant marketing of medical solutions is a clear example of contemporary culture: people are not to blame for their health issues; rather, their ancestry (DNA) or their current environment is to blame. All people need to do is use the messenger’s product to make improved health easy. Nothing is said about the self-abusive eating, lack of exercise, or lifestyle decisions that fall under the individual’s control. The worst example of this persuasive cultural change lies in the area of terrorism or crime. Someone who commits an act of terror or a crime is not responsible; their family, childhood abuse, mental illness, or society’s prejudice in general are the collective reasons why they kill, rape, or rob and commit mayhem. What makes this perspective outrageous is this: There are literally millions, not thousands, of individuals who experienced the same conditions as these criminals yet overcame their difficult circumstances and now lead productive and exemplary lives.

We can’t blame the fairy tales taught to children because these stories have been told for generations. The change in society and people began some time ago, perhaps with the last generation, when the thoughts of intellectuals and psychologists bent towards “damage” done to those who could not, or would not, make the effort to develop the personal responsibility needed to succeed at whatever endeavor they pursued. Both parents and teachers nurture the kernel of the thought that it’s not my fault. Parents want to protect their children from harm, both physical and spiritual. They look at their toddlers and see great futures, tainted by the realization that they, themselves, have not achieved all that they feel they could have or should have. Consequently, they meet poor performance in the physical sense with the statement “Great job!” rather than “Nice try; now make these adjustments, and do it over again.” The lesson that nothing physical comes easily without practice and trial and error is replaced with the easier and more soothing “Great job.” Spiritually, parents repeat the mantra, “You are special and can achieve anything you want to achieve.” The truth is that this statement is acceptable if another follows it: “You must work hard and long with the right attitude, courage, and communication skills to achieve your dreams and desires.” Giving nothing but false encouragement creates a shell of self-confidence that cocoons the child, with no one other than the child noticing how fragile the shell is.

As for the educational system, its transformation of the school from a learning environment into a substitute day-care center perpetuates the myth that everyone is automatically entitled to success. Classes have become buffets of knowledge with the student needing to make an effort to participate. If there are disruptions or distractions, that’s just part of the environment and must be overlooked. The grading system, when it alerts school authorities that students are not absorbing the material satisfactorily, is adjusted to inflate the grades. This encourages students who are not fully engaged to stay lackadaisical: They know they will progress from one level to the next even though their cumulative and retained knowledge leave much to be desired. The parents are happy, the teachers are happy, but the students know deep down inside that they are not prepared for life.

There are institutions that reject this evolution towards coddling students into ill-preparedness for life. These institutions set standards for expectations and achievement while giving their students the professional attention and encouragement to recognize the basic fact that every person is responsible for their own actions, and actions have consequences, both good and bad. What is interesting is how students in these high-expectation environments respond. They hungerly embrace the challenge and are confident, self-assured individuals rather than being insecure with they lack the foundational knowledge to move through life with its ups, downs, twists, and turns.

The basis for any successful life, whether success is defined as financial or happiness, is personal responsibility for actions taken or not taken. Being the master of your life begins with understanding that life is not mastered. There are always situations where it is easier to say, “It’s not my fault,” than to engage with the obstacle and figure out a way over, under, around, or through it. When, as an adult, a person encounters a life-transforming challenge, it is helpful for them if their parents and teachers taught them how to meet and overcome smaller challenges earlier in life in the home or the classroom. Good decision-making is easier when a person has more experience making decisions. Depriving people of opportunities to confront issues is the real tragedy of the early development feel-good approach. While no one can go back and do life over, everyone can use the wisdom of successful people to develop the principles necessary for success. Interacting with that wisdom is open to all. The book 107 SECRETS TO SUCCESS FOR THE GRADUATE allows the reader to see the wisdom of the ages and to use it for success, whatever is the readers personal definition of success. True confidence and peace of mind comes from taking personal responsibility for one’s own actions.

www.uniquereads.com

We’re introducing our website with this inaugural newsletter issue. The web site offers a book and photographs for sale. As the year progresses, more books and photographs will find their way to the website. The stories and essays will appeal to thoughtful readers. Photography books containing many of the images, as well as essays and stories, will be published in the coming year. The photographs on the website are available in limited editions of 25. They will be custom printed, from the film negative on archival based paper, numbered, cataloged, and signed by the photographer. These images are not digital. They have been taken using high speed black and white film. The images capture moments in time that are either lost forever or are intended to trigger a special memory. Take a look, you’ll enjoy them.